Warning: This satire includes some obscene language for the purpose of humor which might upset some readers. Please do not take this literally.
Hey you Atheist, listen up! We need to talk. You think I am an idiot. You think I can’t hear shit you say behind my back. I am right here in front of you nincompoop. Just because I couldn’t respond for a long time because of fucking hundreds of intricate languages you guys developed, you assume I don’t exist. Guess what Theodorous, I am the biggest thing happened to asshole humankind till the Big Bang fucking theory.
You don’t like me on that big canvas your mother placed on the wall where you intended to put a poster of Alessandra Ambrosio (I know she is hot, but that is not the point). Though I not at all look like the painting; But I do appreciate the art. You don’t like your girlfriend thinking of me first thing in the morning before you and she is ready to ditch you in case you speak something against me. You don’t like me because I am out of reason, out of justification. Well, think again nerd, who created this entire shit, it’s me, whom you guys assigned just a three letter name out your fucking huge dictionary.
Photo by Mariam Soliman
People love me because I am fun. I am the business they run. I am the one who is responsible for running their household. Some take me as a fallback option, but I am okay with that. But people like you turn atheists after studying evolution(monkeys, chimpanzees blah blah blah) so now I am running short of people adulating me, and that is the problem. You guys study these laws of physics and the shit I am creating randomly and you think you’re smart. Look around you. Why can’t you see all the benefits of having me by your side? In need of something, BOOM there I am. Want something to get done, sake on my name. Double BOOM, there I am again. That nuclear bomb detonated in Japan, well that was not my BOOM, that was something else.
These days, so-called theists are almost similar to atheists. Even they fail to see me except in my fancy house. They declare to believe in me but they do as per their comfort. That girl they harassed last evening after having a couple of drinks at the bar, they didn’t see me coming. The partner they cheat, the dishonesty they show, every girl child they kill, they don’t see me around and next morning they come to my house in full spirit and behave as if nothing happened. Isn’t that mean? I’ve seen the movie “Friends with Benefits”, but they are even ahead of it. God with benefits!
You know what? I am done with both of you and I don’t even care what you guys think of me. I am tired of keeping tracks of your virtue and sins. You guys are doomed as a race anyway. I can just classify you into two, the one who don’t see me at all and the others who pretend to see me in certain places. I told my investors to not to put a brain in the humans, but guess what, they wanted to experiment. See the fucking result of your fucking experiments idiots.
P.S. Who spread these lies about eating non-veg is a sin and matches are made in heaven? That is fucking food chain asshole and I am not responsible if your spouse doesn’t give you a shit.